I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
