i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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