I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize