If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
