Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
