RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
