Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
