I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
