But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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