I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
