I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize