We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
