We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
