Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
