If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
