You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
