Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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