I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
