Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize