my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
