So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
