How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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