a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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