ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
