i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
