The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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