areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
