Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
