i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
