nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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