Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
