its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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