Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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