he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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