"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize