Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
