he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
