Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
