I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
