no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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