he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
