Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
