too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry about my life...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
