Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
