so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
