she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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