just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fill condoms, not promises.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
