Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
