oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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