Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dick very happy bro
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
