I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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