Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
