I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
