she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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