he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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