First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
