cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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