He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
