You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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