You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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