ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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