went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize