I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
