i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
