Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
