Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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