Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
