By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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