my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
