We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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