whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
